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Won’t You be my Neighbor? May 3, 2011

Posted by sarahsfate in My Own Personal Trials, PostADay2011, Thoughts on People.
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Look at me. Squint your eyes. Perfect, now you can’t really see me all that well. Now listen. I am beautiful. I am intelligent. I am funny. I bake some killer cranberry-orange muffins. I love to laugh and wash my car and mow my lawn. When you need a friend I will listen to you and laugh with you, offering a cajoling shoulder. You will love me. Do you want to be my friend? Won’t you be my neighbor?

Hopefully you won’t notice that most of what I’ve said is a lie…but eventually you will notice because lies can only be upheld for so long. Soon you will notice that I don’t laugh all the time. Sometimes I cry and sometimes I am infuriated. Like when your dog craps in my yard. Then I get mad. But I won’t tell you because I want you to like me. Want. No, need. I need you to like me. So I won’t say anything. Did I say my kids are perfect? (damn lies, I can’t keep up!) Oh yeah? I did? Awesome, well…they are. Only, my oldest son is a closet alcoholic and my elementary-age daughter was caught smoking in the school bathroom. But I won’t tell you that. Indeed, you won’t even see the worry on my face because I am so busy laughing at everything you say. Have to keep that joviality in place, dammit!

Ever since my husband left me for that tramp who is half my age, taking everything I had in the bank as well as my hopes and dreams, I haven’t been able to sleep at night. But that’s what concealer is for. Sometimes I drink nyquil to help me pass out. Actually, I drink a lot of nyquil. Nyquil and concealer. What? You want to come over and chat about how your son broke his leg in football and how it has ruined his career chances? Sure, that’s fine (great, even) let me just…um…hide these bottles and open the blinds. I’m a great listener. Did I tell you that when we first met? No, well I should have. It’s a great quality to have. People love me. Everyone but my husband. And my kids. But again, I can’t tell you that because I need someone to love me.

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I know many people like this. People really do talk to me because I really am a great listener and so I see how they are with other people as opposed to what I know about them. It’s confounding. But on some level…I completely understand this inalienable desire to be loved and accepted. But, if you’re not you then they can’t love you…they don’t even know you. And if you let the real you out, if you allow the tears to leave silvery tracks on your cheeks and the weariness to show in your eyes, if you sit beside them and weep just for a minute…and they condemn you for it, then to hell with them. No one needs a fairweather friend. Not everyone has to like you. Not everyone has to like me. Nor will they, ha ha, because I know how to offend and I will never be perfect. I have come to realize there are people around me who expect my jokes, expect my laughter, expect my emotional and mental support to any and all their heartaches and endeavors. But when I have a moment in which I cannot breathe or eat or see…they are at a loss as to how to handle me and instead of doing something, anything, I am abandoned. It makes me angry but I get over it, just as quickly realizing that some people simply cannot handle someone else’s grief. Sobeit.

At the end of the day, we all need someone. Sometimes, several someones. This intrinsic discomfort with isolation is as old as time. We move in packs. We hunt in packs. We live in packs. We need the sound of laughter. The sound of musical crooning. The sound of a murmured ‘I understand’. Because, even though we may not understand exactly, we all understand. If not the situation, we understand the pain. 

The one truly human thing we can do, is not abandon our neighbors.

The End of My Rant

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Comments»

1. I love to laugh « Raw Multimedia, the daily lifestyle of Creativity vs Realism vs Professionalism - May 4, 2011

[…] Won’t You be my Neighbor? (sarahsfate.wordpress.com) […]


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