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For However Long I am Here August 13, 2010

Posted by sarahsfate in My Own Personal Trials.

On my son’s fifth birthday I asked if he felt older now that he was five years old and he looked at me as though I was crazy and said, “no mom, I’ve only been here five years”.

Only been here five years. Not alive, not born…here. On Earth, in this world, as though he came from somewhere else and is visiting for as long as he is allowed to remain, to experience and learn what he can of this world…in the time he is allowed.

They say children remember what came before their birth and as they grow older they become like us, and forget. So I felt privileged to be the recipient of such knowledge and understanding — even if it came from a 5-year old. My son taught me something that day.

I have only been here for thirty-one years and have spent those years soaking up knowledge and learning, and trying to understand, everything around me. I have spent the last ten years feeling as though my life is slipping away from me and my life is almost at an end.

But, it isn’t.

Even if I do not believe in an after-life or the possibility of reincarnation, I have an even greater gift. The here and now. And there are still things I am supposed to do and learn during my “stay” here.

In the movie, City of Angels, the angel asked the little girl what her favorite thing was. Do you remember what she said? Pajamas. That was her favorite thing about life on Earth. Everyday now I ask myself, what was your favorite thing about today?

And today, my favorite thing was how many times my son interrupted my adult conversation to tell me he loved me.

And I suppose, in the end, when God asks what my favorite thing was about life on Earth I will tell him love. For every day there is mention of love, there is evidence and action and display of love. If I were alone here it would be the first thing I missed, quickly followed by the sound of someone else’s voice.

Love. That is why I am here. To take back evidence that love exists here.



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