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Relevance in Divorce August 3, 2010

Posted by sarahsfate in Thoughts on People.

After a divorce is final, how long should the argument ‘what he did’; ‘what she did’ be relevant? How long should you hold on to the bitter memories and the blame for faults never repaired? How long do you remain single, after a divorce?

The answer is — it’s up to you.

What happens to you as you hold on to the bitterness and the memories is that you do not move on…you become grounded, halted in the stride of your life, as you grapple with a past that cannot be undone. You become stymied in a life of your own choosing, though with every breath you protest this is truth. You want to blame him. You want to blame her. You want to find a reason for the torturous bleeding of your soul.

The loss of trust. The loss of faith and camaraderie that once existed in your every day life. From having a home and family to having a silent home and a broken family. Lives are changed. This is the essence of life — it is ever-changing. If you pause at the doorway, staring off into the night as though reliving the recollection of his leaving,  then you are stuck there.

Until you move your feet.

He disappointed you. She let you down. You both broke each other’s heart. The love that once existed between you can be no more and wallowing in those yesteryears will never repair it. You have a choice, I do not mean to say you do not. We all have a choice.

You can choose between standing in that open doorway staring off into the night, angrily remembering what was, or by moving away from the door, turning to face the room behind you and deciding how that room will look in the future.

You do not have to immediately replace your ex-husband, or your ex-wife, in fact I would never recommend such an action. A soul needs to heal and it cannot heal when you dump new intense feelings into it. It must breathe, and you must breathe with it.

Learn who you are, who you were and who you want to be.

And move.



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